Various Artists - We Wish You a Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year

Various Artists - We Wish You a Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year
Record Label: Eagle Records
Release Date: October 13, 2008


What's the first word that comes to mind when you hear the word "Christmas"? If you're one of 98% of normal functioning human beings, the answer is of course headbanging.

We've all heard the traditional Christmas carols a thousand times over, and ten thousand again. In the Yuletide spirit, this is not necessarily a bad thing; however, Bing Crosby's legendary "White Christmas" and Chuck Berry's "Run Rudolph Run" can only be heard so many times before it gets a little repetitive to the ears. Even for most music fans here, the rock renditions of carols and collectively similar "original" tunes (which can be summed up with the following: "It's Christmas, baby, and I want you in my arms tonight") get a little old. That's where metal comes in to fill the void of originality.

Yes, metal music can be seen as the face of unoriginality. But let's face it: how often do you hear Christmas metal? As much as the two have a natural blend, it just for some reason never comes together. Perhaps it's the whole "worship Satan, praise the Lord of Darkness and his armies" complex going on, but that's just mere speculation. The lineup for this rollicking tale of Christmas death and destruction includes a ridiculous all-star cast, featuring Tony Iommi, Ronnie James Dio, Dave Grohl, Alice Cooper, Geoff Tate, Tommy Shaw, members from Testament, Motorhead, ZZ Top, Dokken, Kiss, Judas Priest, Anthrax, Ratt, Marilyn Manson, and others.

The record begins with a distant, peaceful chorus of "we wish you a merry Christmas" before steadily descending into a dark underrealm chant of "we wish you a metal Christmas." Clever! What a pun. After an energetic, phlegmy rendition of "Run Rudolph Run," Alice Cooper, completely in character, uses his usual campy horror-metal to turn "Santa Claws is Coming to Town" (another pun!) into a creepy stalker song. "He knows when your window is open. He knows when you're under your bed." Eventually it digresses into burning down decorated Christmas trees and breaking toys. Pleasant. Alice Cooper: scaring children away from Christmas joy one pine needle bonfire at a time. "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" consists of a mix of Dio and Black Sabbath musicians (including Ronnie James and Tony Iommi themselves), and quickly becomes the album highlight with Dio's vocals. The vocals are immediately challenged, though, by the Freddy Mercury of metal, Mr. Geoff Tate (Queensryche). His trademark piercing-yet-pleasing holds ring out every 10 seconds or so in "Silver Bells."

Later on, we come to what is easily and without a doubt the funniest song on the completely serious record. What metal Christmas album would be complete without "Silent Night"? Not this one, that's for sure. After a 12 second onslaught of guitar, bass, and kickdrum, Chuck Billy (Testament) rips into the mistletoe microphone with the guttural roars that usually accompany the traditional headbanging carol. This continues for approximately four minutes, or until one simply cannot stand it any longer due to a) ear pain or b) rib pain resulting from ceaseless laughing. From there, "Deck the Halls", "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer", and "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" lead into the album closer, "Happy Xmas (War is Over)." Being my favorite Christmas song, I was ecstatic to see this track being played with minimal headbangage, because well, one can only take so much brain hemorrhaging until one is forced to bring the tempo and volume down. Tommy Shaw (Styx) croons out the classic John Lennon peace whore to acoustic guitar and melodic guitar play.

As a whole, this record is...interesting. The kick of wailing guitars and pounding drums was a smashing wake up from the serenity of fireside re-tellings of "Twas the Night Before Christmas" with the family. None of these songs may be spinning under the ol' needle come Christmas morning, but it was definitely a worthwhile use of my precious music time.

Album of the Week: 12 - 5 - 08

Whoa. It's Mac. You miss me?

I've been dormant... down in my cave researching music of old and new, updating my catalogue "What I've Heard", not to mention hitting my bank account hard with the purchase of many a CD. Recently, albums bought either on disc or through the evil iTunes have been Opeth's Blackwater Park, Slayer's Christ Illusion and Hell Awaits, Tool's 10,000 Days, and The Sword's Age of Winters and Gods of the Earth. The last two records being sparked by seeing The Sword live in New Orleans with Metallica and Down a few weeks ago: EPIC!

Anyway, the album being spot-lighted today is Opeth's 2001 creation, Blackwater Park. I'm a metal fan, not so much a metal head. I like some metal bands, despise others; even misunderstand others. Opeth is one of many that embody the latter, solely due to their vocal style. You know it as cookie monster vocals; I know it as that unintelligible filth that creates no better reason in history to either never write any lyrics or provide an event of burning a lyric sheet. What's the reason for listening to it if you cant understand anything said? If anything, make it into an instrumental to spare those with ears of the sane. That's my stance on that topic for the most part. I say for the most part because, after being jabbed at over the past few months by a friend about these guys, and seeing the album listed as the fifth best (out of 100) metal album ever by Metal Storm, I finally was urged enough to buy this thing.

Wow.

Kinda wish I could've made that bigger, because that would've better articulated how astonished not only at how well done this record was but how so positively received it was by myself. I really should've read the fine print on this Sweedish band before passing any judgment in the past: Progressive and Melodic Death Metal.

Okay, so it wasnt that small but to someone who's entirely ignorant about a certain artist it sure does seem like that fact is kept hidden. The first two terms insinuate that these guys arent only good for pedal-to-the-metal riffs and screaching vocals, but also slower tempos that incorporate acoustic interludes and actual singing (SINGING!) to better counter-act the first aspect of their abilities. "Harvest" is the only song on the album that was a non-cookie monster induced track, and it was entirely driven by acoustics.

Of the many things that excited me about this listening experience, the most notable ones were how well they'd transition between hammering riffs and drum-play and roaring gutteral vocals to angelicly soothing pieces during songs. Songs that would clock in at over 10 to 12 minutes at times, and they'd do these things numerous times during marathon tracks that didnt exude any feelings of said title, to boot. Even better was how they'd rattle on with double-bass play for what had to have been one to two minutes at a time during various songs (HOLY SHIT THAT'S HARD) and others, where, they'd come in bursts, both inbetween heightened speeds and the combination of that and softer sections. The musical ability and genius was overwhelming. And possibly the most impressive was how well it was all kept together and how it blended perfectly.

Naturally, you'll have to check up on the lyrics to each song to get a better idea as to what the concepts were, but if you're like me, you'll be able to release yourself to the musical rollercoaster that makes up this record. And if you're really like me, you'll agree that the vocal style, at least when it comes to a band like Opeth, becomes somewhat of an engrained piece to the musical puzzle.

If you ever feel like experimenting, give this 67-minute titan a listen -- I guarantee there's someting there for you.